I didn’t know that depression could lead to bad eating habits until I experienced it in college. I was underweight, heartbroken, and depressed. I had broken up with my first love because I knew it was the right thing to do. It was too early for a serious relationship.

Sa larangan ng pag-ibig, dapat hindi puro puso ang pinapairal — dapat UTAK din.

I don’t believe in the saying “Follow your heart.” Guess what, the bible tells us that the heart is the most deceiptful above all things (Jeremiah 17:9). It is desperately wicked. It is only concerned about how it feels. It doesn’t know the concept of what’s right or wrong. It doesn’t have eyes to see the distorted truth. Most of the time, it is selfish and only knows what feels good now. It doesn’t care about future consequences.

During my most heartbreaking days, I dealt with the pain in silence. The boy didn’t know how much I loved him. I prayed for God’s healing and restoration. Ten months later, I was back on my feet again — stronger, better, wiser.

Many years later, I looked back….and all I could remember was the boy’s name. Joey Albert was so right in her song when she said “I remember the boy, but I don’t remember the feeling anymore…” LOL.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and shun evil. – Proverbs 3:5-7

Undoubtedly, God’s plans is way beyond our understanding! Good things happen to those who patiently wait. Let God lead our hearts and we will never go wrong.

I thank God every single day for blessing me with a husband that I prayed for. I am so glad I waited.

If you know anyone suffering from bulimia or anorexia, check out these eating disorders treatment centers.

I am blown away by my husband’s intelligence, eloquence and perseverance; place him anywhere and he shines! His dedication in everything he does reminds me of a mustard seed that thrives beautifully despite being sown in a very bad soil – an empty spot where sunlight and rain are scarce.

In Colossians 3:23, Apostle Paul reminded us to do our work with all our hearts as if working for the Lord and not for men. I’m glad that my dear husband not only knows this verse, he actually lives by it. To this very day, I am in awe at how he manages to stand strong despite the odds. Amazing!

Let me tell you a little secret though.

The past few weeks have been the toughest for me — yes, for me! It was tough seeing him carrying the heavy cross on his own.

How can a person’s life be of more importance than money? Why is he being “forced” to bite off more than he can chew? Why is he expected to do so much, yet was given nothing in return?!

Not even kind words when he called in sick…Talk about APATHY!

But through it all, I find solace in knowing that our Big Boss up there sees everything that men fail to see, and hears the cries that men refuse to hear.

I guess it’s more than enough to know that the Big Boss we serve is always fair and just; He doesn’t play favorites.

I know one day, He’ll step in and fight for what is right. For sure, He has better plans.

When I first attempted to start losing weight early last year, I thought doing hard exercises for long hours until all my joints hurt was a greater idea than cutting down on my daily food intake.

Funny, but it’s true.

I’d rather go through hard labor than eat less rice or skip meals.

My unspoken motto was, “It’s better to be tired than hungry.” LOL. Because when I’m hungry, I tend to be impatient. Hunger has this devilish power to put me in a grouchy mood.

You see, prior to giving birth I’ve always been slim even though I ate a lot. So the words exercise, diet, or diet pills were simply not in my vocabulary.

Little did I know that as we get older, our metabolism tends to slow down. Which means — you don’t burn calories as fast as you did when you were younger.

Ouch! Truth really does hurt sometimes, doesn’t it?

The thought of being old, wrinkled, and overweight haunted me for weeks. It made me paranoid!

The next thing I knew — I started exercising religiously with this motivation in mind: I have to slim down to have my self-esteem back. Because when you’re slim, you look good.

That’s how I see it.

It’s all physical — nothing more, nothing less. It’s all about me.

Weeks later, I wasn’t motivated anymore. So I stopped. Why? Because I wasn’t losing weight as fast as I wanted to.

I was impatient. very impatient.

I made two more pathetic attempts. But I just flunked miserably, leaving me more discouraged than I had ever felt before. For months, my weight had been fluctuating from 60 kilos to 59, then back to 60, down to 59 again, then back to 60. It was topsy-turvy!

Then it hit me. God made me realize I had the wrong motivation.

Upon realizing how superficial I had been, I made a decision to run regularly on weekends. But this time, I had a different motivation in mind.

I want to take good care of the body that God has given me, so I can serve Him, my family, and others. After all, He is the source of my strength. My life is not about me — it’s about Him. We are all created to give glory to the one sitting on the throne. I repeat, to give. Not to receive.

With God being my number 1 motivation, I was able to keep myself motivated in achieving my goal. And what’s amazing is, I wasn’t even thinking about losing weight anymore. I just run because I want to be healthy!

And here’s the good news.

To this very day, I weigh 51 kilos (112 pounds) and every one I know sees the big difference. Yes, I am no longer overweight! (SIDE NOTE: my eyes are twinkling while writing this part.)

For the very first time, I had victory in my hands.

I am a living testimony that if you put your trust in God, everything is possible. And sometimes, you don’t even need to lift a finger. God is always willing to do all the hard work for you!

Thank you, Lord, for the change of heart.

…Consecrate yourselves, for tomorrow the LORD will do amazing things among you. – Joshua 3:5

Our church had its annual Seven Days of Prayer and Fasting on the 2nd week of January. But I decided to do it in my own time — from January 25-31. The day after my birthday. I’m doing it for the first time and I know that suppressing my dear appetite won’t be easy, but I know I can make it. God’s grace is more than sufficient for me!

And yes, I’m going to do this every year from now on — with delight!

So why am I fasting?

It is my heart’s desire to have a personal encounter with God.
I want God to reveal Himself to me, so I can give Him all the glory.
I want to sharpen my spiritual antenna, so I could hear His Voice.
I want to seek His will for me.
I want to be transformed.
I want God to replace my rotten heart with a brand-new one.
I want to build a stronger relationship with Him.
I want God to rule in my heart wherever I go. ALWAYS.
I want to intercede for my family, friends, church, and country.

During this week of consecration, it is my heart’s desire to focus on God alone and be filled with His Word. I am believing God for victories and breakthroughs in every area of my life this year.

Fasting in the biblical sense is choosing not to partake of food because your spiritual hunger is so deep, your determination in intercession so intense, or your spiritual warfare so demanding that you have temporarily set aside even fleshly needs to give yourself to prayer and meditation.

-Wesley Duewel

NOTE: I was supposed to publish this before the year 2010 ended, but was not able to. Hehe.

During the post-Christmas service at church, we were asked to write down the Top 10 things that we were thankful for before we bid goodbye to 2010. So without further ado, allow me to share with you what I had written down on that piece of paper. Thank you Lord for these blessings!

1. The arrival of our new baby…Ayesha Kirsten. God gave her to us on January 12, 2010. A very special day for our family.

2. Ayesha was saved from CAH. Okay, allow me to give you a little background on this…On our way home from the hospital, the doctor called to inform us that Ayesha’s newborn screening results had been released. I felt that my heart skipped a beat when she broke the bad news – my baby girl was positive of CAH (Congenital Adrenal Hyperplasia) and needed to undergo a confirmatory test. Needless to say, I was in a state of shock. Every ounce of strength I had in my body seemed to have vanished into thin air as the doctor tried to explain to me what this rare disease was. I looked at Ayesha, who was then sleeping like an angel in the car, and was almost sure that she’s perfectly fine. She had to be taken back to the hospital the next day for another test. We all waited fearfully for the results. And after a month of praying and crying out to God, we got the results that brought tears to my eyes – it’s negative!
3. Greggy’s nursery graduation.

4. The monthly amortization of our house finally ended.
5. Our church. Our small group. Our spiritual family.

6. The three-day EN2010 Conference at SMX. What a life-changing event! Can’t wait for EN2013!

7. Trip to Caramoan Islands, Camarines Sur.

8. Ayesha’s dedication day.

9. On September 25, 2010, I surrendered my life to Jesus – officially. Need I say more?

10. We finally bought a car. We got it after participating in the Race for Life 2010. Talk about God opening the floodgates of heaven! Leo and I ran 5K to support the scholars of the Real Life Foundation, and we got a car in return! Isn’t that cool?!

I’m looking forward to a fruitful and God-centered 2011! Let’s all start the year right.

I am a flower quickly fading. Here today and gone tomorrow. A wave tossed in the ocean. Vapor in the wind. Still You hear me when I’m calling. Lord, You catch me when I’m falling. And You’ve told me who I am. I am Yours, I am Yours…